Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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