he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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