Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
