Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
A bitchslap is in order.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
