dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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