So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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