We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
