Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So much Jack, so little girl.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
