do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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