Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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