I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
