Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
