yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
