hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
