Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
