How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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