yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
