your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
