I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
