So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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