I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
