Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
