Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
