I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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