Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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