our cab driver is having phone sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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