Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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