why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
me + whiskey = a bad person
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
