So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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