This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
