just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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