What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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