So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
