no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
