other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
