hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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