my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
