Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
