i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
