those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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