Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
