a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
