Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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