Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
