the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
