Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
