heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
