i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
