3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
