My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
