it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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