I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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