When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
