I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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