3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
